BEING VULNERABLE

 Yesterday I taught a pose that I am working on but haven't yet been able to confidently stick the full expression. I promised someone I would teach it and sure enough they showed up.  So I did my best to deliver. It didn't go well. Or so I thought…

Here's a thing that happens when I go to some of my favorite classes where the instructor demonstrates the poses with ease: it's beautiful, graceful and I am filled with hope that it's as easy as it looks. And then it isn't.  Something sticks, maybe my belly is in the way, or my knees feel tight and pinchy or gravity is stronger than I am.  I can't figure out where to work to move the pose. 

And that is when the pose becomes real.   The adage I hear and share is "wherever you are in the pose, you're doing the pose". It's where you are supposed to be and in that place is your opportunity to learn, grow, accept and surrender to the pose and your judgements about it.

I began the demo even though I hadn't had a chance to practice before class because I was coming straight from my day job. I started to sneak into the arm balance where one leg is in bakasana and the other leg in titibasana.  I got partway in and realized my front leg was firmly rooted to the ground and I couldn't lift it despite my best effort.  I held it as best I could and said   "That's all I've got today."  I explained the actions I was working to lift off, and what it should look like. Then apologetically I added  "Give it a go –see where it takes you."

And so we tried and we worked it for a piece. One woman in the middle of the room, broke down in laughter and shared that this was her first time practicing in a month. She was super fit, but stuck just like me - vulnerable.   Some of us flew, and some of us didn't, some of us watched and some of us kept trying even as we began to move on to the next thing.

I feel like out of that effort we built something special:   cameraderie.  From my perspective that's when we became a class and not just a bunch of people in a room breathing and moving together. Together we approached an edge in our practice: working, falling, seeing our successes and our limits.  I wonder if my "failed" demo which clearly revealed my limits, might have given people permission to try and risk failure, rather than to quickly go to the place of "that's a pose I can't do. I'm going to sit this one out and watch someone else do it". 

Clearly there is more work to be done, but it was beautiful and humbling.

I am grateful.  

***

"Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy and creativity. It is the source of hope, accountabiilty and authenticity.  If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path."

                                                - Brene Brown